Keep Your Hands Inside The Ride At All Times

Wow. So, it is late Wednesday and this roller coaster of a week so far has left me with the pressing urge, desire and want to run away.

I know I'm not the only one that has ever felt this way. When it all goes wrong or there are difficult tasks ahead or just in facing daily obstacles that slam you right in the face often times can make a person want to turn tail and run.

I've been fighting this the past few days.

Few things have gone right so far this week. And by right, I guess I should say "as planned." When my life gets crazy busy, I'm a planner. I make lists and even my lists have lists! But add to all the normal craziness a looming magazine deadline, illness, the beginning of the second semester of nursing, having to suck it up and take the heat for a situation that is someone else's responsibility....blah blah blah...words words words. Life.

Yeah, life is like that at times. I have found it so easy to be discouraged in these past few days and thankfully the Lord allows me to stop, take a breath and look at the bigger picture. Why am I discouraged and defeated? Because I'm focused on me. I'm focused on the problem. I'm focused on what that person did to me that I didn't "deserve." I was not focused on the One who held the problems, who allowed all of this to occur to grow me and teach me and bring me to the end of myself...again. To draw me nearer to Him. How wonderful to know I can turn to my Lord and His Word and find instant peace and comfort in knowing he's saying, "I got this." (as my friend Rhonda says.) God's got this!

"...Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

My mind and my heart have been meditating on this verse from Joshua today. So many others have faced such greater trials than I could ever imagine. Yet from big trials to the small ones, we can be strong and courageous. We can carry with us, for those that know the Lord, that comfort and knowledge that God has gone before us. He directs our path. For His glory.

At this point I am just going to add my little disclaimer that these are late night ramblings. The overflow of an overworked mind and a burdened heart. No real purpose in this blog post tonight other than to give sentences and paragraphs to the continuous thoughts and meditations of my mind from the past few days. And basically to preach to my own heart these truths. If you happen to benefit from these words - to God be the glory!

Where my mind has been today is in fighting this urge to run. In grappling with the reality that running does not solve anything, more often than not, it adds to and complicates and invariably delays the inevitable.

And then there was the gentle reminder from the Lord that He is to be my refuge. No mountain top or snowy trail or secluded cabin can bring me the peace that only my Heavenly Father can.

"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him." 2 Samuel 22:31

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you." Psalm 5:11

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2

"The LORD redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:22

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah" Psalm 62:8

Oh man! I love that one! "Pour out your hearts to him" What an invitation!

"But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds." Psalm 73:28 (emphasis mine.)

It is good to be near God. Such true and wonderful words.

So after reading those verses, running away to some secluded space doesn't seem to be such a pressing need for me now, when really what my heart desires is to run to Christ. Beautiful mountain views and birch wood forests are just that, beautiful. But there is such joy, life and peace in trusting and taking refuge of our mighty and Sovereign God.

Fellowship

I've been cleaning out my home office and I came across a little piece of tablet paper that had the following quote scrawled out on it:

"If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even where there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith and difficulty, if on the contrary, we only keep complaining to God that everything is so paltry and petty, so far from what we expected, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ."

Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoffer (p. 29)

That particular quote spoke volumes to my yearning heart at the time. You see I had just experienced a major life change. I had graduated college and moved a fair distance away from my closest friends - my "framily" as I call them. Not just my closest friends, but also an amazing church and church family that the Lord used so masterfully to grow me in my faith and personal walk with Him. Mountains were moved and the walls around my heart were painstakingly, yet lovingly brought down. The fellowship that I had enjoyed with my closest friends (the framily) and my beloved church family was so incredibly rich, that I thought I had it made. I knew what I would be leaving behind as I followed in obedience to the next steps the Lord had for me. But I think that I believed that in those next steps I would blissfully step right into new friendships that would prove to be just as rich, encouraging and like iron sharpening iron.

Those days, weeks, and months after the move proved to be quite a challenge for me. I 'll save the details of that time for my personal journal, but I found myself to be very lonely - stuck in a dry desert in a sense. I knew the Lord was with me, I never doubted that, but I was so incredibly homesick for the sweet and familiar fellowship of those I left behind.

I remember finding this book Life Together at a used bookstore. I greatly admire Dietrich Bonhoffer, so I knew it would be good and challenging reading. Oh, the conviction that gripped my heart after reading that one long sentence! I immediately knew that I was to repent of my ungratefulness. I began to have a new attitude toward where the Lord had me, and those he had placed in my life. And now that I think back upon that time, I believe I was able to let go of my bitterness toward God for taking me away from such sweet fellowship, and after that, I began to get plugged in. I led a wonderful book study out of my home for several ladies in the church, and the new friendships began to grow. Fellowship was increased as I focused on the Lord and less on myself and what I thought I needed in my life.

And nearly five years later I see the fruit of that time. Just today I had lunch with an amazing group of women who passionately love the Lord, love talking about the Lord, love praying together, laughing together and sharing our lives together.

Sweet, sweet fellowship in the Lord.

My life is such a contrast now compared to then. But that's what the Lord does! And then, He sends a small piece of tablet paper, with handwriting that was clearly made in haste in an eye and heart-opening moment in my life - just to remind me that He has indeed led me from the desert sands of my own sin to the life-giving springs of His grace.

And She Stabs Herself In The Heart...

So, in cleaning out my office and condensing two bookcases down to one (that's the goal anyway!) I came across my little green-velvet covered journal from 1989. The entries are sparse and my handwriting and spelling was atrocious but the words in the one entry I read, all four sentences, were nothing more than a dull jagged knife straight to my heart!

12-10-1989

It is my mother's birthday. She will be 35. She is getting pretty much over the hill. She has almost made it.

Love,
Amber

Oh! OUCH! How the words of my nine-year-old self have turned against me!!!! To think that at age 9 I thought that 35 was over the hill! One foot in the grave. Lifting the foot to kick the bucket. And here I am today, a mere 5 years from 35.

Sigh.

I will let it be known that I refuse to read anymore from that little journal. My 9-year-old self has kicked me enough for one day!

: )